Horrorscopes

I’ve never believed in horoscopes or Tarot cards or palm readings or psychics, even if I did love Ms. Cleo’s earrings. I always fancied myself a bit too realistic and in charge of my own destiny for things such as this. I do admit a certain fascination with these things and even read them from time to time. More for a good laugh than for any other reason. However I have even more fascination with those who believe faithfully in predicting the happenings of our days and lives before the day even begins. Therein lies the beginning of my daily troubles.

My friend CeeCee is a firm believer in horoscopes, at least the ones that are on Yahoo everyday. She swears they are accurate within 24 hours. My belief is that she, and most other believers, read the vague words and find happenings in their everyday lives that prove the horoscopes are true. Every morning when CeeCee arrives to work she checks her horoscope and sends a copy to me. I’m not sure just exactly why I need to know about these things, but I indulge her. In the last week she has even begun to check my horrorscope and tell me about it. CeeCee has horoscopes. Mine tend to be horrorscopes. Lately she has begun to forward a copy to me via e-mail to ensure that I read and absorb all the intricate details of my future. Personally, I’m waiting for the movie version.

As a self-defense mechanism I now look at my horrorscope and her horoscope before she gets to work each day. To my shock I found out by reading hers that she is withholding secrets. When she arrived at work I confronted her with this revelation and wanted to know what secrets she is withholding from her dearest friend. Apparently they are so secret even she doesn’t know the details. I told her tongue-in-cheek that my horrorscope tells me in no uncertain terms that today will be dull for me. The exact words were “today isn't quite exciting enough for the adrenalin-fixated.

Hmmmmm. I will admit that I like excitement and am easily bored, but I thought I came up just shy of being adrenaline-fixated. I would attribute those adjectives to thrill-seekers. I can say with certainty that I am not a thrill-seeker. I hate rides at amusement parts and would rather have my toe nails slowly removed than venture near anything that spins a body about until their inner karma is spewed forth. I don’t even go shopping because the excitement is just too much for me. (Actually, it’s not the excitement I detest, it’s the entire shopping experience. Schlepping about in search of something that won’t fit, costs too much, but comes highly recommended by the sales person who works on commission.)

It’s raining here today and is quite cold. Rather dull, dreary and a bit boring. I do have to go out for a dr’s appointment in a bit, but I don’t consider that venture to be exciting, and this is just a check up, so there won’t even be any pain killing, mind numbing medications involved. After that I get to go to the bank – hmmmmmmm – again a boring errand. Then home to feed the dog, feed me, and if lucky watch Judge Judy. Now Judge Judy can be exciting at times, but even she lacks the adrenaline induced excitement I apparently need.

Perhaps there is more to this horrorscope thing than I first thought. I hope tomorrow’s horrorscope brings better news for my future. I’m going to have to talk to these astrologists and get them to beef up the contents of their predictions. If not I may have to consult Sister Linda and have her read my palm and if she isn’t satisfactory there’s always the Tarot cards.

Wanda M. Argersinger

2008