30 AprPenis Thefts On The Rise

What would you do if your penis was stolen? penis theft

Whatever your answer, I can understand. Well maybe I can’t. But I can understand any concern you have about a theft thereof, if you are a penis owner.

But beware if you travel to Africa, because apparently penis thefts are on the rise there.

Victims are mostly men. Whodda thunk that to have your penis stolen you had to be a man? But sometimes women are the victims? I’m not going to ask.

In West African there have been reports of episodes of ‘panic’ in which men and women are beaten, sometimes to death, after being accused of causing penises, breasts, and vaginas to shrink or disappear. At least 56 separate cases of genital shrinking, disappearance, and snatching have been reported in the last seven years.

In order to prevent further shrinkage, victims have been known to securely tie their penises with string or metal clamps (ouch!) — even sometimes having family members hold it in relays until treatment can be sought (I wonder who thought this remedy up?), usually from shamen or traditional healers. Well now I’ve heard it all.

It’s real folks and even has a name, koro. It’s a psychological condition caused my mass hysteria. I’m not sure where the mass comes from if only 56 cases have been reported, and I’m not asking.

Victims of koro believe that a touch or “accidental” brush with a stranger causes the theft. Similar to the way a pickpocket might steal a wallet. One reported case was that of a 17-year-old man in Ghana who “claimed that he had gone to fetch water for his father and was returning when [the perpetrator] came behind him, touched him and immediately he felt his penis shrink until it was no longer visible.

Do you really believe there are people traveling the world making a living or simply enjoying stealing the junk from African men and women? Do you think there’s a large market for these items? Do I look insane here? (No need to answer that last question.)

And what exactly do you call these thieves? Following the established guide of those who steal from pockets being called pick pockets does that make a breast thief a bra pocket? That’s assuming the breast was in a bra, and with the thefts occurring in Africa that’s a huge assumption. And what of the penis thieves – penis pocket? I’ve seen some instances where a penis pocket might be necessary but it did not involve theft of any kind.

Does anyone else see an opportunity for exploitation of this koro thing? All I can say is if your man, or woman, says their junk is missing and yet you can see it, run and run very fast. If they tell you it’s missing and you suspect a stranger is involved perhaps you need to seek the advice of an attorney.

From the life and mind of Wanda M. Argersinger

© 2013 All Rights Reserved

www.wandaargersinger.com

 

 

 

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18 AprRAP-try (AKA – I Will Never Thank You Jason Aldean)

WTFI have 7 radio stations programmed into my car stereo. Four of them I listen to. Two are mistakes. One I can’t get rid of.

Of the four I listen to, 4 of them are country stations.

Don’t judge me.

I don’t have to think when I listen to them. I understand the lyrics and can even somewhat relate to the subjects of the songs.

Well I did until these artists decided that RAP and Country would be a good mix.

Have you tried to mix those two words?

I have and the best I can come up with is RAPtry, mostly because that’s what these songs make me want to do – wrap my vehicle around the nearest tree.

Please tell me who thought this was a good idea (Jason Aldean)?

It’s not. It never was. It never will be.

Just because you were moderately successful in finding words that could be mixed, the resultant formula is not RAP nor Country and calling it one or the other does not good music make.

It has, however limited, had one positive effect on my life. I am now awake when I drive. I have to be. How else could I continually push the pre-tuned selector buttons in rapid succession in an attempt to find something to listen to? And by something, I mean anything other than RAPtry. By anything, I mean even Jazz which until now has been good only for upping my anit-psychotic meds, increased therapy sessions to calm my jangled nerves, and a few interventions to stop me from perpetrating homicide on the Jazz man’s head and body.

I guess, if one uses a big enough shovel while digging, or drinks enough tequila, there are good things to be found in all situations. For RAPtry I list them in order: Jason Aldean will surely tire of this crap eventually; I haven’t found out where he lives yet; even Taylor Fliff sounds good in comparison; and my car radio has 9 unprogrammed buttons.

 

From the life and mind of:

Wanda M. Argersinger

© 2013 All Rights Reserved

www.wandaargersinger.com

 

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05 FebA Call For Cellulite

If you have something everyone tells you how to get rid of, is this a good thing or a bad thing? Yeah, that’s what I think cellulitetoo.

So what’s up with all the attacks on cellulite? You know that stuff under your thighs, butt, legs, eye lids that make you look like you have wrinkled muscles. Why does everyone want you gone? Why are there new cures on the market every 54 seconds?

I earned every bit of my cellulite by birthing babies, tolerating mega doses of prednisone and eating all the Blue Bell ice cream that has crossed the state lines from Texas to Florida.

I have relied on my cellulite to keep me from wearing cute bathing suits for the past thirty years. I have relied on it to keep my pants and panties from falling down, no belts needed. I have relied on it to keep me from becoming a gorgeous prima donna. Thank you very much cellulite for all these things.

Without all of this cellulite I would have been injured much worse than I was when I trip and fall flat on my cellulite dimpled butt. Bruises I got, but broken bones, not me.

Without all of this cellulite I would be without padding, wonderful, necessary padding that my grandchildren love.

The cellulite in my breasts (yes, that does exist), I wouldn’t be all cushy and comfy when holding babies. What good are skin and bones to babies? Useless I’d say.

Personally I don’t want some masked man vacuuming under my skin. There are better uses for masked men.

I don’t want to be ironed to remove my bumps. I don’t want to be lasered, lighted, or broke from treatments.

I don’t want to rub cream all over me 19 times a day. I might opt for one person rubbing cream all over me once a day though. But not if they have a medical license.

I don’t want to be shrink-wrapped.

I don’t want any of the 1,900,000 treatments available as confirmed by google.

Leave my cush alone. It breaks my falls, it makes babies comfortable, and it allows me to save for retirement.

From the life and mind of:

Wanda M. Argersinger

© 2012 All Rights Reserved

www.wandaargersinger.com

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