And lately I’ve been worrying about me.

I must admit, I do a damn fine job too.

I had my annual eye examination about 6 or 7 months ago and left with great new contacts. I would be able to wear them for an entire 2 weeks before they need to be changed. A wonderful thing for someone who drops and loses everything and couldn’t find her head without her contacts in. They were so precise I could read without glasses. I did however need the contacts.

Not so this past month. I need the contacts, readers and sometimes a magnifying glass to read certain things. This concerns me and gives cause for worry.

To make matters worse, I can’t see to drive with my sunglasses on, but can’t be outside without them. A double-whammy.

Yes, I fear I may be getting somewhat older than I was this time last year. But is that any reason to completely fall apart?

To add to my worry I recently told a co-worker about an incident with a printer. It needed toner. No problem thought I. I once was a network engineer. (Note the word engineer.) I secured the box holding the new toner. I got it open and even opened that stupid silver package that keeps the toner safe from engineers. I got the old toner out of the printer. The end.

Well it would have been had I not recruited 2 more co-workers and some guy who happened to wander through the office to help get the new toner into the printer. Not one of us could figure it out – independently or collectively. We did the next best thing. After carefully retrieving the instructions from the trash and reading them, the job was completed.

Later in the day I was explaining to one of the bosses why it took 4 people to change the toner in the refrigerator.

Yes, she caught the slip of tongue.

This past weekend was the weekend to change contact lenses. I have a system. The boxes containing lenses for the right eye go on the right side of the shelf. Those containing the contacts for the left eye go on the left side. I took the left box down, took out a contact and replaced the box. I did the same for the right. For some reason I decided to exam the lenses before inserting them.

Can you believe I’ve been walking around worrying for the past 2 or so weeks worrying about me when in fact I’ve been wearing left lenses in both eyes?

Do we really do more stupid things as we get older? You see, I thought we were supposed to get wiser with age. Unable to determine where I could locate statistics on such things I decided to get a dollar out of my office to get a Coke (yes, I really need the caffeine) from the vending machine. After closing my wallet I promptly turned around and threw the entire wallet in the trash can behind me.

At least I knew I did it and had time to retrieve it. Doesn’t that count for something?

Okay. Group worry can begin now.

From the life and mind of:
Wanda M. Argersinger
© 2012 All Rights Reserved
www.wandaargersinger.com

I haven’t a clue. I’m told that all representatives in that department are currently busy.

I was going to sign in to my web host provider today, but flashing in bright red letters were the words “Your account is past due. Please update your billing information.”

I knew my account was not past due. It is automatically deducted from my bank account. I had recently seen, via the wonders of the internet, said transaction deducted from my checking account.

But since I was here I might as well update my information.

First I was told I can not access my profile. I’m not sure what they are trying to hide about me from me. I know more about me than they ever will.

Second, I was told that I could not access my billing information because my birth date was invalid or missing. If only.

I called the yahoos at Yahoo. I was given 6 or 7 options, none of which I wanted. When faced with such stupidity I always choose ZERO.

I was told that my call was important to them, whoever them is.

I was also told that all representatives were busy.

Finally some guy named James, who had a really nice voice, came on the line and asked what he could do to help me.

I asked if he could loan me a million dollars.

“Sure”, he said.

Batting a thousand I asked if he would buy one of my books. He mumbled something unintelligible. I didn’t recognize the words. I did recognize the language of NWIH.

He would loan me a million but wouldn’t spend $10 to purchase my book? Something seems amiss in this equation.

I gave him the sad news about my account, the theft of my birth date, and the sorry state of my billing affairs. He said he made notes and would have someone contact me.

I am not holding my breath on that.

I’m also not holding my breath on the personal loan from James.

I am however counting and am currently at one.

From the life and mind of:
Wanda M. Argersinger
© 2011 All Rights Reserved
www.wandaargersinger.com

Just yesterday I was sitting at my desk working when a resume was handed to me.

I noted the name.

I reviewed the qualifications.

I looked to see where the candidate lives.

I noted the address.

Huh?

This person lives at 869 ½ West 9 ½ Mile Road.

Yes. You read that correctly.

9 ½ Mile Road.

What kind of screwed up urban planning committee would name streets in half numbers.

Did they run out of names and just start throwing numbers on the streets?

Are they also running out of whole numbers forcing them to resort to using fractions?

Don’t they know that no one on earth likes fractions?

Is this a subversive plot by a mad mathematician who is hell bent on forcing the entire city to recognize the existence of fractions?

I don’t know about you but all the devices in my car measure by entire miles, or kilometers. In whole numbers. Count me as a device in my car and I don’t do fractions.

If that isn’t bad enough, we had some guy on the planning council who must have owed a lot of favors to people. There is one street in my city that has 6 names going from east to west. They are, Perry Ave., Bayou Blvd, Brent Lane, Beverly Pkwy., Michigan Ave., and finally Saufley Field Road. Try giving an out of towner directions to somewhere in that mess. Fortunately there are a few bars located along this stretch of stupidly name streets.

The largest mall in town is also located on this street. Lucky for the mall shop owners, the mall is located across from the largest hospital in town. That comes in handy when people go bonkers trying to locate the mall.

Actually, the smartest person who ever sat on the planning committee gave the mall an address on 9th Ave. instead of on Bayou Blvd. Who cares that the two streets intersect? It’s simple GPS logic. Any address on 9th Ave. can be located faster than even the largest liquor store on any section of the street with 6 names.

We have other streets that can be confusing such as 12th Ave. that changes its name to Tippin Ave. somewhere along its route. The exact location of the name change is known only to urban planning member and they have been sworn to secrecy.

Trying to travel from here to there in my town has caused more than one mental breakdown, a few road rage incidents, and is singularly responsible for an increase in the consumption of hallucinogenics and alcohol.

I can only thank God and the urban planning committee that they have been wise enough not to install traffic circles. Should that ever happen the mass exit of the citizens of Pensacola FL will become more famous than the red crab migration on Christmas Island.

From the life and mind of:
Wanda M. Argersinger
©2011 All Rights Reserved
www.wandaargersinger.com