The Source of the Problem

Messy House My Big Butt

I’ve been looking for a long time for something to blame it on. For a reason other than genes, a malfunctioning thyroid, steroids, babies, chocolate, and global warming. I’ve always known that somewhere in the universe there was a logical explanation. Thank you Peter Walsh.

According to Peter Walsh’s new book, Does This Clutter Make My Butt Look Fat? The clutter in my house is directly and proportionately connected to the size of my derriere. Mr. Walsh says if you clean up, you can trim down. Thank you Mr. Walsh, but I am not quite sure I agree with your theories.

In my experience with misplacing things and then trying to re-locate them, I would estimate I expend a significant number of calories in the process. I know without a doubt that it takes a lot more calories to clean a messy house and keep it messy than it does to clean an already clean house. Just picking up, cleaning around, dusting over, vacuuming under, and replacing the objects can triple the time and calories spent in the cleaning experience.

Simply worrying about where to put all the messiness and clutter expends an extraordinary number of calories. Worrying does have its value in this particular case. When it comes time that the messiness does have to be moved or relocated, the planning can require days, sheets and sheets of paper, at least one entire pen or pencil, all the while killing off a few thousand brain cells. This must use some calories and contribute to what should be a significant weight loss. Imagine wanting or needing to paint a room that is covered in messiness. Now imagine needing or wanting to paint a clean room. Which one do you think is going to require a greater use of energy? Exactly.

An additional extreme amount or energy and burning of calories is expended in trying to accumulate and ‘in the not getting rid of’ things that add to the messiness and / or clutter. Finding just the right addition to add to the growing pile of messiness can consume huge amounts of time and calories, including the process of looking through magazines; visiting flea markets; planning, coordinating and making the Saturday morning garage sale circuit; convincing someone to carry the new acquisitions into the home and placing them just so; recovering from all of these processes.

One often over-looked factor in this messiness is the accumulation and maintenance of yard-buildings in which to store all the clutter and / or messiness. If space does not permit the addition of yard-buildings to your current property situation, then locating, filling and visiting a nearby mini-warehouse is the equivalent of yard-buildings. But I must state, yard buildings are much preferred as they require maintenance including occasional cleanings, and building repair, both of which use oodles and oodles of calories.

The last suggestion by Mr. Walsh that I would like to address is his assumption that, and I quote, “eating more and buying more is an attempt to fill the need for something more.” You think? Why would be buy, accumulate and never discard things if we didn’t have the need for more?

Is he saying we messy, cluttered people are hiding something? I challenge him to find whatever it is he thinks we are hiding. In my supreme messiness he may use enough calories to waste away and take his ideas with him. His caloric expenditure would be monumental. After all, I am a practiced hider of things. I’ve hidden things that in 30 years still remain hidden. I have perfected messiness and clutter and function just fine it – thank you very much.

I suspect if the truth were known we could find perfect examples of neat people with large posteriors and messy people of the small derriere variety. Next Mr. Walsh will be relating big boobs and bra size to whether or not I have carpet or tile on my floors. I just don’t see the correlation.

I have a friend who might not agree with Mr. Walsh, but still she tries to convince, nag, cajole, or shame me into organizing my messiness. I resist. She has even threatened to sick Niecy Nash, from the famed Clean House television show onto me and my clutter. I’m not sure why she feels compelled to have me organized. Notice – she did not offer to tackle the job herself. I can tell you without any hesitation that remove my messiness – remove my creativity. I wouldn’t be me. As my great-big, giant, sleep t-shirt says, “the world needs more messy people or the neat people will take over.” Comments from Pigpen of the Peanuts Comic Strip fame. I concur. Leave me, my messiness and my big butt alone.

Wanda M. Argersinger

2008