Lost and Not Found

Where oh where has my funny bone gone

Oh where oh where could it be

It ran away and left me alone

Please bring back my funny bone to me!

Ok, so it’s a sorry attempt at humor, but when your funny bone is missing you are not responsible for the lack of humor that shows up in your writing. And that is the exact point I am at right now. I have so many projects on the back burner because not only can I not find my funny bone, I also can’t locate the proper angle to attack the projects with. My story angling protractor left with my funny bone.

I’ve sincerely tried to write funny things, but they come out factual. Oh they are probably good reading, but when you’re expecting words that produce belly laughter, my words fall far short of the intended mark.

At first I thought perhaps my funny bone had just taken a much needed vacation but when it didn’t return looking tan and rested after 2 weeks, I knew there was more to the problem. I called the police to report the missing bone but my panicky statement was met with laughter. “Are you serious, lady? A missing bone? You are either a prankster or seriously disturbed?”

The police were definitely out of the question in trying to locate the missing piece of my anatomy. I had to find help elsewhere.

I created a poster that I could place around the neighborhood. I wanted it to look like the ones for the missing children, dogs, and purses. When I tried to put a picture of my funny bone on the poster. It looked like an ordinary lost bone the dog buried. I tried putting a reward on the poster, but how do you price a funny bone?

After enduring weeks without my funny bone I decided to try one last thing to help me retrieve it. I decided I would post an advertisement in the local newspaper:

Lost: 1 slightly used, still functional funny bone belonging to local writer formerly humorous, now severely depressed and unable to write. Funny bone last used on July 14, 2008 in Pensacola, FL. If you have seen funny bone, please contact the rightful owner for instructions regarding return. Reward offered if returned functional and full of humor. No use by other writers will be tolerated and could land new user of said funny bone in a litigious battle.

I got a few calls regarding the ad, but none of them were from people who had seen funny bone. A number of the calls were from people in similar situations. We decided to form a support group for formerly funny people with missing funny bones. Other calls were from hecklers and just plain mean people. A couple callers wanted the reward but had no idea what a funny bone is or what it is used for. In the process I did see a couple t-bones and a rib or two complete with bar-b-que sauce.

As of today funny bone is still missing and my writing is suffering greatly. I’m over the moping around the house part of the problem, but the depression still remains. I look at all the topics and projects I have to write and curse funny bone for deserting me. But on the bright side, the support group is growing and going quite well. I have a lot of new and newly depressed, formerly humorous, writing friends and a comedian or two. We have decided to take on a couple projects, the first being a search team to find missing funny bones and return them to their rightful owners. The second being a search team for a physician who is willing to try the first funny bone transplant. I’ll let you know how things go. Until then, I’m off to the support group. Oh, we did give it an appropriate name – FU Anonymous (Funny bone Users Anonymous).